Home of the Ridiculous
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So here I am, back home. Back in England and back to Western culture. India is wonderful of course, but there’s only so long you can go before you start craving the Western vices (like friends). Last year I managed 12 months, this year I didn’t do so well and had to come back after just 10 months.
Well, I say had to come back, the words of my father are still echoing in my ears “son, if you don’t come back for your mothers ??th birthday, you may as well not come back for Christmas.” No one ever even mentioned the word ‘threat’.
So I have come from one country which by all accounts is utterly bizarre to another country which I firmly believe has lost its marbles.
India is bizarre because first of all they wouldn’t let me leave the country (tax stuff, it’s not pretty), and now I’ve left, they won’t let me back in! Bastards. Not to mention that people get married without even meeting each other, it’s considered taboo to hold hands in public but acceptable for men to take a piss in full view of everyone, guys hang off the side of buses on their way to work and they like to wake everyone up with insanely loud music at 5am.
Anyway. The first thing you notice moments after walking through arrivals is how stupidly expensive everything is here. When you are used to paying £3.50 for an excellent two course meal, coming to England is like diving in to a pool of ice; you become numb with shock.
In my first day back in England, I got the train from Heathrow Terminal 5 (which is amazing by the way, even my Dad, the man that could find fault with the Sistine Chapel begrudgingly conceded that they had done a fair job with T5) to South London which cost £10.
From there I went and had a pint (from landing to first pint in 90 minutes is not bad going) which cost £3 and then it was off to buy a Pay As You Go sim card, topped up with £20 and some toiletries.
Three hours in the country and the total cost so far was £35.
That evening, I went to a pub to meet up with some old uni friends where we had dinner and many drinks. Dinner was £9 and drinks came in at around £15. By the time I got to bed I’d managed to spend nearly £60 since landing.
The next day I went and had my first McDonalds (you honestly don’t realize how much you miss Quarter Pounders until it’s no longer available!) before catching a train up to my hometown.
Now in India, you can travel the length and breadth of the country for about a tenner. This will get you a nice air-conditioned carriage with a full length bed since the train journeys can last for days on end as the train invariably gets lost en-route.
England, on the other hand, seems to think that everyone is as rich as Mr. Monopoly, so a basic 1 hour train journey costs £39 if you want a single or £41 if you want a return – simply proving that someone, somewhere failed their maths GCSE.
Having been in the country less than 24 hours, I’d managed to spend a grand total of £100 (and a bit more). Utterly ridiculous, I hadn’t even gone very far or bought anything of any value, simply ate to stay alive and took public transport to get from A to B.
Back in my adopted country (which doesn’t want me back), £100 lasts you a month! And you get to live like a King!
But rip-off Britain gets worse – and for any Brits reading this, you don’t know how bad it is until you go to other countries – once back home, I had to get a hair cut which ended up costing £8.80 for a quick buzz round the back and sides and cut short on top. Admittedly, there were no hair raising experiences (pun intended) this time, but honestly, £8.80 for a haircut! We’re in the middle of the worst recession since the 1930′s, people can’t afford to go around spending £8.80 for a bit of cranial topiary!
I haven’t even touched on the absurdity of the (non) budget airlines here, but they deserve a blog post all to their own, which they will in due course. And then there’s the benefits system which is so broke there’s no chance of it ever being fixed again.
The world has gone mad. And Britain has become ridiculous.
Oh. And it’s still bloody raining here!
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Our trains don’t get lost enroute! Stop giving your readers such a horrible horrible horrible picture of my country! Seriously guys, we don’t have big fat squirmy worms in our water, you can hold hands in public, and our trains don’t get lost.
My bad, guys can and do hold hands with other guys in public. And I linked to the video about the whole train getting lost thing
It’s a good movie, despite being slated by the critics.
We’re extremely open minded that guy can hold hands with guys in public without much of a problem.
Can a guy hold hands with another guy in the UK in public and get away with it?
Have your facts right
Certainly a guy could get away with holding the hands of another guy in public, even kissing in public, what do you think the Gay Pride carnival is all about?! I’m yet to see any openly gay gay bars and clubs in India! Open minded has got nothing to do with it.
Now, given that we value our personal space more than anything, I would never consider holding hands with my male friends – it’s just weird! Exceptions may apply when England win the World Cup in 2010.